A son’s suicide, a mother’s pain



By Wanda Jackson

imageI know that no matter how much I speak about Kevin, it will never bring my son back. I know, because I’ve tried. And neither will a million tears. I know, because that’s how much I’ve cried. I also know that by sharing my story I can’t help Kevin, but I can help others to live.

I realize that my son had to have been in the deepest kind of pain to end his precious life. I still hurt and feel this tremendous pain tugging at the core of my soul when I think about how, in the last moments of Kevin’s life when he walked into my garage for the last time, he must have felt so all alone.

When he came home that night he seemed sad. He said he had been fighting with his girlfriend all weekend and he was tired. He told me that he was in pain. I asked my husband to talk to him and give him words of encouragement. After that, I really felt my son was going to be okay.

But now I know that Kevin was chemically depressed; he was not mentally well. He was not crazy, or psychotic. He had a chemical imbalance in his brain, and he should have had medical attention.

There wasn’t one particular situation that caused Kevin’s depression, but I know that it had a lot to do with this girl he was dating. My son was in an abusive relationship. I told him that he needed to leave her alone because she was causing him too much pain. He was also frustrated that he could not find a job. We told Kevin that it takes time because a lot of people were out of a job.

Kevin’s car was not working and he came and asked me if I could take him somewhere the next morning. That morning, it was approximately an hour after I heard him go down stairs that I went into the garage.

I could not believe my eyes when I looked up and saw his handsome face limp. He was hanging from one of the wooden beams. It was so surreal. I screamed and screamed, “No Kevin, Kevin, no, no. Why? Why? Oh God, please don’t let him be dead,” I begged. I ran and got a knife, and I cut my son down. I administered CPR, but I knew he was probably dead. After calling for help, I held him in my arms crying and begging God to let him live, but honestly, I knew he was dead.

I learned later that it takes approximately three minutes for someone to die from hanging themselves. Even now, it’s hard to believe that my son, my precious son is gone forever. He was 30 years old.

Life would have gotten better for Kevin. The day after he died, someone called him for a job interview.

Before I found my son dead on August 26, 2008, before Kevin’s life started spiraling downward, he loved life. His passion for life was enormous; his love for his family, and the love he had for his daughter and son was huge. He was like a kid himself when playing with his children. He was a beautiful person inside and out, and to know him was to love him. Kevin was handsome; he was smart, intelligent and wise. He was funny and fun to be around. I will never forget his huge, warm quirky smile that always seemed to warm my heart. I will forever miss his spirit, his beam of light that shined so brightly in our lives.

I thank God that I have my two beautiful grandchildren, one who is 12 and the other who is eight years old, whom I am now raising. They both remind me so much of my son. Every beat of their precious hearts is another reminder that Kevin lived and loved until the end. He told me the night before he died how much he loved us and how thankful he was that we were raising his children. I told him that we loved him too, but I never thought that he was saying goodbye. Because if I knew that he was saying good bye I would have held him in my arms and explained to him how much he was loved and would be missed if he left. I would have never let him go until I knew that he was going to be okay. I would have done everything to make sure that Kevin had gotten the proper medical attention he needed, but I didn’t know.

That is why I am writing this today: to let you know that there is help and that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

The same day that Kevin died I remember I just kept saying “I have to help other people.” I remember telling my sister: “I have to spread awareness about suicide so other families don’t have to go through what we are going through.” So I started Kevin’s Cause. If I had known the signs, perhaps I could have helped Kevin. I am going to do everything I can to spread awareness so that people will understand the warning signs and know that there is nothing wrong with reaching out to others if they are feeling depressed or suicidal. People do get better if they receive the proper medical attention. Depression doesn’t have to lead to suicide.

The organization is still in its early stages. We’re developing a marketing plan. We want to engage and influence the community by raising awareness that suicide is a serious problem in our community, state and nation. We want to develop suicide prevention strategies. We want to facilitate training that will teach warning signs and the risk factors for suicide. We also want to speak at churches. Our goal is to diffuse the social stigma that has for many years been attached to depression and suicide, especially in the minority communities where the suicide rate is growing.

We would like to change the phrase “commit suicide.” It is a term that needs to be expunged completely. It is inaccurate, it is insensitive, and it strongly contributes to the horrible stigma that is still associated with suicide. We prefer to say “die by suicide.” So help get the word out: Criminals commit crimes. Suicide is not a crime. So please STOP SAYING that anyone “committed suicide.”

Kevin was loved and nurtured growing up. He went to private school, played and excelled in basketball at St. Albert’s Elementary School in Compton, and Serra High School in Gardena. He grew up in a house with both parents, a loving and caring sister, and a host of family and friends who truly loved him. Kevin had so much to live for, but yet, the way he died painted a completely different picture.

If love could have kept him alive, Kevin would still be here today.

A motto he would say often is “recess is over.” And that saying meant to him that it was time to get serious. I will adopt this slogan and use it to spread awareness. Yes, recess is over and I want everyone to get serious about educating themselves regarding depression and suicide and help spread the word so that we can stop this terrible tragedy.

Again, untreated depression is the number one cause for suicide. Here are some warning signs to look out for:

– Appearing depressed or sad most of the time.
– Talking or writing about death or suicide.
– Withdrawing from family and friends.
– Abusing drugs or alcohol.
– Exhibiting a change in personality.

People at risk of suicide often feel hopeless. They feel strong anger or rage. They feel trapped — like there is no way out of a situation.

There are many other signs to look out for. Awareness is the Key to Saving Lives, so please, together, let’s start saving. The Suicide hotline for L.A. County is: (310) 391-1253 / Spanish: 1-800-273-8255

If anyone would like to donate to Kevin’s Cause suicide prevention and awareness, nonprofit organization. Please contact:

Wanda Jackson, (310) 310-4790 or Shaunda Hill, (562) 206-5243

Employer Identification Number: 27-1999224

Comments

  1. Willa Seidenberg says:

    Thank you Wanda for sharing your story. As a mother, I often think there can be no greater sadness than to lose a child — no matter how old they are. I admire your bravery in using your grief as a calling to help others. Thank you.

  2. Sometimes it’s easy to get discouraged when tragedy happens, but I know a protector who
    will never leave you nor forsake you, he will put no more on you than you can bear, God bless
    You Sis Wanda and the entire family.

    Br.and Sis Ford

  3. Nina Ruff says:

    Wanda, there are no words to describe how i felt when reading this. I really miss Kevin and Thank you for educating the world about Suicide. Your a great person and Kevin was blessed to have you as his mother. Stay blessed!!

  4. Cynthia L. Madere (Cindi) says:

    Good morning Wanda let me start off saying that I admire your strength and the ability to start Kevin’s Cause and I know that this cause is going to go much farther than you can imagine. I thank you for re-educating me for I am and will be on your team to assist you in any way that I possibly can. I am with you all the way in educating all Culture’s and clearing up the “MYTH” regarding suicide because there are alot of people who continues to sweep this under the rug and I too want to be apart of this organization to get the information across to everyone.
    Love Cindi from down the street

  5. Vicky D. Lindsey says:

    Truly, there is nothing like “A Mother’s Pain”. Unless you’ve been in our shoes, you don’t know our blues. There is NOTHING worse than the murder of your child, be it by someone else’s hands or by their own hands. Please People, Get Involved By Choice Not Force, and if you happened to get Involved by Force STAY INVOLVED! Join us, Project Cry No More, on the 3rd Sunday of each month as we discuss these issues and more. Where: 200 N. Long Beach Blvd., Compton, 90221. For more info, please feel free to contact me at 310.764.0165.

    Vicky,
    Mother of A Murdered Child

  6. Wanda Jackson says:

    Thanks for the comments that I have read so far.

    Again, our organization(Kevin’s Cause, Suicide Prevention and Awareness)is still in its early stages. We’re developing a marketing plan. We want to engage and influence the community by raising awareness that suicide is a serious problem in our community, state and nation. We want to develop suicide prevention strategies. We want to facilitate training that will teach warning signs and the risk factors for suicide. We also want to speak at churches.

    I started this organization to vigorously promote the prevention of suicide through education and awareness, especially in the minority communities where suicide rate is growing. Our goal is to diffuse the social stigma that has for many years been attached to depression and suicide.

    If anyone would like to donate to Kevin’s Cause suicide prevention and awareness, nonprofit organization, or volunteer, Please contact:

    Wanda Jackson, (310) 310-4790
    or Shaunda Hill, (562) 206-5243

    Tax Identification Number: 27-1999224

  7. Willa Seidenberg says:

    Wanda: There is a student group at the Marshall School that designs marketing plans for community groups. Visit the website: http://www.marshall.usc.edu/mcp/ to see what they do. Perhaps they could help your organization.

  8. Wanda Jackson says:

    Willa, thank you very much for the information

    Have a wonderful evening.

  9. Deborah William Hill says:

    Congratulations Wanda for the courage to relive that tragic day and telling your story because I know it was not an easy thing to do. When different tragedies strike people, some grieve silently and several want to reach out to others.

    I could not ever imagine Suicide, this is where I would have said, “No, not in our family”, or we have a close nit family, or our culture, we don’t do things like that. Thank God you were determined to start Kevin’s Cause, I have learned so much in this short time and will continue to learn. I’m honored to be a part of this Foundation.

    I was reading on line Journey of Hearts and I got this quote from Dr. Schuller:

    Our grief always brings a gift.
    It’s the gift of greater sensitivity and compassion for others.
    We learn to rise above our own grief by reaching out and lessening the grief of others.

    And you are doing just that!!!

    Love your Sister Deborah

  10. SHALICE BENNETT says:

    Hello my name is SHALICE BENNETT and i am the girlfriend that they say is suppose to be at some fault for this terrible tragedy. I knew Kevin since i was 13 years old. He was my Best Friend. I cant believe that I am getting blame for this. Kevin was my boyfriend and the Father of our 2 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER KEYONAH OLIVIA JACKSON. I understand that our daughter is not excepted in the family but she use to go to wanda house with kevin and spend the weekend alot because he was with his other 2 kids for the weekend. I WAS NEVER ABUSIVE TO KEVIN we argue just like any other relationship his mother just need someone to blame and thats me. Kevin was a Strong Man and there was no way that he would let me beat him physically and mentally. I am a strong woman who LOVED KEVIN TO THE BONE HE WAS NOT JUST MY BOYFRIEND BUT HE WAS MY BEST FRIEND. OUR DAUGHTER AND HIS OTHER 2 KIDS NEED THERE FATHER.IT HURTS, HURTS, HURTS,HURTS,HURTS SO SO BAD AND IT STILL HURT TO THE BONE. It really hurts when only GOD knows what happen and that a person can tell EVERYONE U KNOW THAT U ARE THE BLAME for someone hanging themselve. Kevin was not at my house when this happen, I dont know what he was feeling or thinking and I try to re- live his last breathe everyday. That job that called kevin i was the one who founght that job told him to call and he took my car to do the testing. Kevin sister have came and got her niece several times and for them not to notice her is hurtful. Wanda even called me in the Hospital and came to see my daughter at my house when kevin was alive. I think that we need to come to reality and stop blameing people for something that is not true because u are hurt. IM hurt to but i stay strong for our daughter and my other son. I just need to clear myself because i was never Abusive and he was not in a abusive relationship because he would of left and he would not of stayed for 4 years with me. Its things i saw between him his mother and father but Kevin made this decision and we have to learn from it and try to be better people and be good to others to keep others from doing this or feeling down. I see that wanda is still putting the blame on me but its okay. Because she know the real thats why im hated. She know that i was in love with her son and he was in love with me and this happened at her house so she need to blame someone for it. My opinion is if u dont like a person that your child is dating its okay but to be disrespectful to that person can make it harder for them to be happy especially when u know that he love the girlfriend and mother just be nice for your children and let them learn. I will not talk bad about her but I will pray for her and hope that GOD will talk to her and she will listen….

  11. Wanda Jackson says:

    “Raising” Correction and I left a few words out:

    Kevin will be forever loved and he will live through the hearts of his two beautiful children, one eight, and the other 12, whom I am now raising. I will not waste my time or take the focus off of my mission and that is to try and help save one life at a time through education and spreading awareness.

    Thanks again Lonie B.

  12. Mrs. Jackson, I admire you’re determination to help others through your own tragedy. That takes tremendous strength and I’m sure Kevin would be extremely proud of how you’ve chosen to honor his life.

    Shalice, I don’t know you but I can relate to having to raise a child when their father is no longer around. It’s tough, both mentally and emotionally, especially when your children are young. You’re always thinking about how you will answer certain question once they become old enough to ask them. Stay strong for your daughter and stay focused on raising her. You cannot control what others will say about you but please know that only what you do for Christ will last and that includes being the best mother you can be.

    I went to elementary school with Kevin. We were a part of a very tight knit group. We all still keep in touch and get together to share great memories and Kevin is included in those. I will always remember him as being handsome, funny and caring as well. He touched a lot of lives and his memory will continue to live on through his mother and her efforts and through his children as well. My prayer is that everyone can remember how precious life is and how you only get one chance to live each day. Many blessings to the entire Jackson family.

  13. Wanda Jackson says:

    Thank you for your kind and beautiful words Ms. Lonie B regarding Kevin. If it had not been for God I don’t know where I would be today. Kevin will be forever loved and he will live through the hearts of his two beautiful children whom I am now rising. I will not waste my time or take the focus off of my mission and that is to try help save one life at time through education and spreading awareness. My Pastor sent me a message yesterday. ” The devil will use anything or anybody to make you lose your focus…Don’t let that happen…You’re doing real good in spite of the circumstances…Continue in what you are doing. Pastor” Again, I thank you for your kinds words about my son and your hert felt blessings. I thank my Pastor, David Richardson, from Bethany Apostolic Church in San Pedro for being a true man of God, and for believing in what I am doing to try and help others. God has promised me that He will never leave or forsake me. Through my trials and tribulations, through the lies I have to endure, and through my tears, my God has shown me that I can make it because I am still standing strong! Kevin’s Cause will continue to fight for others. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Most people who die by suicide doesn’t want to take their own lives, they are trying to kill the pain they’re feeling inside. Most people who are depressed can recover from depression if they receive the proper treatment. This is why Kevin’s Cause must stay focus.

    Have a wonderful and blessed day

  14. Shalice Bennett says:

    Thank You MS. Lori B I thank you so much for your encouragement. IM not writing to get any acknowlegements I just cant keep sitting here while these lies or told about me. I feel that there is two sides to a situation when there is a person getting blame for something that can hurt a person for life and there children. I know that there is a cause for KEVIN here but to keep saying that i am the cause of his DEATH is the worse thing you can say about a person. I cant imagine how it feels to lose a son but i surely do no how it feels to get blame for killing one. I just want these lies about me being abusive to stop especially when you never seen me do it. If KEVIN was here everyone will act accordingly, my daughter woulD not be left out and she will be able to see her family. A person can acknowledge me being his girlfriend until his death but wont acknowledge that me and Kevin have a child. IM asking you WANDA to please STOP BASHING ME LIKE THIS I HAVE YOUR GRAND CHILD and KEVIN would not like this. If i have to go threw this whole battle with you to clear my name i will. I will not talk bad about u, disrespect u or feel I have to prove something when I know I dont, to let your grandchild go un notice thats fine but to keep causing trouble, your son will not like that. KEEP doing what ur doing thats Great but so that Kevin can rest peacefully to know all 3 of his children or safe IM ASKING YOU AS A STRONG BLACK WOMAN PLEASE STOP.

  15. Vicky D. Lindsey says:

    Naturally, there is a lot of pain felt by everyone. Of course there is Nothing like A Mother’s Pain but I also stand in other shoes. My son’s Father was murdered six years before my son.That, too, is an awful pain. Hopefully, one day both of you, Wanda & Shalice, will find some peace amongst each other because as it stands now, we, as murdered victims’ loved ones, only have a “piece of peace” as it is. I don’t know your circumstances other than the pain we all share so I am not here to judge. I just wish you both Hope & Blessings. In spite of it all, know God is God & Good All the Time. Believe me, as I close as Lionel’s Mother.

  16. First I would like to say to WANDA.You are doing a wonderful job with kevin’s cause.Thank you so much for sharing your story.I know god will bless you for your work…Kevin will be truly missed.
    Shalice I don’t know you.I read the story and I understand that you are in pain.But I did not read where she has blamed you.All I want to say to you is god is the answer…

    Irene.

  17. Terri Carpenter Tisdale says:

    In reading about Jesus in the New Testament, we must always keep in mind that He came to “fulfill the law.” First, He fulfilled it by adding the Spirit back to it which the religious leaders had removed by their “letter keeping.” He said to them, “You have heard it said, ‘Love your friends, but hate your enemies’, but I say to you love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” The religious leaders were concerned about getting caught in adultery, but Jesus told them if they had lust in their heart, they were guilty of adultery. Hate in the heart made one guilty of murder. Religious man always tries to look good on the outside, like going to church every Sunday, but our Father is interested in what goes on inside the heart.

    Forgiveness is a power that will release the kind of Love that Jesus has that had him say Father forgive them for they know not what they do. Bless You.

  18. SHALICE BENNETT says:

    THANK YOU IRENE . I WAS HIS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND AT THE TIME U DID NOT SEE WHEN SHE STATED THAT HIS GIRL FRIEND WAS ABUSIVE AND SHE THINK THAT WAS PART OF THE REASON FOR HIS DEATH. WELL THAT IS ME. SHE HAVENT STATED MY NAME AND I HOPE SHE DOSENT BUT SHE IS REFERING TO ME. . KEVIN HAD PROBLEMS BEFORE HE GOT WITH ME, HE BEEN ADMITTED TO PLACES FOR KIDS WITH PROBLEMS WHEN HE WAS YOUNGER, HE TRIED TO TAKE PILLS BEFORE HE GOT WITH ME SO THIS IS NOT NEW. NOW IM UPSET. ASK WANDA HAS THESE PROBLEMS OCCUR BEFORE ME. HE WAS SICK SINCE A TEENAGER. MAN I KNOW SO MUCH. IM GETTING BLAME BECAUSE SHE DID NOT LIKE ME AND I DID NOT LIKE HER POINT BLANK. IRENE U DONT KNOW ME AND U DONT KNOW ALL THE STORY THAT SHE HAS BEEN TELLING MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY ITS EMBARRASSING AND SHE IS NOT TELLING YALL THE TRUTH. JUST BECAUSE A PERSON GOES TO CHURCH DOES NOT MEAN THEY ARE NOT LIARS AND SINNERS……LIKE I STATED BEFORE IM ON HERE BECUASE SHE DECIDED TO TELL HER STORY AND SOME OF IT WAS A LIE ESPECIALLY ABOUT ME.EVERYTHING I WROTE IN MY FIRST STATEMENT IS TRUE AND YALL NEED TO ASK HER.I KNOW HER SON DIED BUT HE CAN NOT REST WELL BECAUSE THESE LIES ARE STILL BEING TOLD AND HE WILL NOT REST WELL UNTIL THEY STOP…. LIKE I SAID ME AND MY DAUGHTER BEEN THREW ALOT AND I WILL NOT LET IT CONTINUE. I WILL FIGHT UNTIL MY LAST BREATH FOR ME AND HIS DAUGHTER. JUST BECAUSE U FEEL BAD DONT MAKE ME FEEL BAD. A LIE CAN LEAD TO ANOTHER LIE IF SHE FEEL LIKE I HAD SOMETHING TO WITH IT KEEP IT TO HERSELF DONT SLANDER MY NAME WHEN U NEVER SEE ME DO NOTHING. SHE IS TRYIN TO MAKE MY LIFE MISERABLE. PEOLPE ALWAYS SAY GOD BUT I THOUGHT HE WAS A FORGIVEN GOD. ANY BODY CAN QUOTE A VERSE IN THE BIBLE THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT THEY ARE THE TRUTH. I THINK A PERSON NEED TO START BY FIGURING OUT WHERE THE PROBLEM STARTED IN THE FIRST PLACE AND WAS NOT IN MY HOME…………ALL OF MY STORIES ARE TRUE AND I CAN PROVE EVERY SINGLE ONE. I HATE THAT THIS IS GOING ON I WANT WANDA TO BE IN MY DAUGHTER LIFE I WANT THIS TO STOP. THIS IS ALL I WANT I DONT WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS STUFF I JUST WANT HER TO STOP BLAMING ME AND SPEND TIME WITH HER GRANDDAUGHTER THAT WILL BE A ANGEL IN MY DAUGHTERS LIFE. THIS IS MY 1 WISH IF WANDA CAN SEE HER GRANDDAUGHTER.

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