“If you liked it, then you shoulda put a ring on it. Don’t be mad once you see that he want it. If you liked it, then you shoulda put a ring on it.”
For some, the catchy, chart topping, independent-female anthem, “Single Ladies” is fun to dance to on a night out or sing in the shower, but for others the jingle by pop sensation Beyonce has a more serious message.
Rap mogul Jay Z put a ring on it in 2008 when he and the singer were married after dating for six years. While many African American women know they’ll never have Beyonce’s killer dance moves, the stark reality is that they won’t have her fairytale wedding either.
According to an October 11th ABC Nightline segment, “70 percent of black women are unmarried, compared to 45 percent of white women.”
For some, this statistic is startling. For many African-American women, it comes as no surprise.
It almost begs the question “Is marriage just for white people?” Author Richard Banks tackles this issue in connection with interracial dating in his latest book, “Is Marriage for White People? How the African-American Marriage Decline Affects Everyone.”
Banks addresses this predicament by exploring the lives of the African-American middle class. He finds that not only are African-American women the most unmarried group of people in our nation, but they are also more likely to marry someone who is less educated or earns less than they do.
“Black women have fought the good fight. They have engaged in a noble endeavor of trying to lift black men and that strategy hasn’t really worked,” said Banks on Nightline.
His research and book conclude that African-American women should explore their options outside of their race. On the book’s website, Banks said that although interracial marriage is seen as an abandonment of the race, for African-American women it unquestionably serves the race.
In the same segment, Nightline reported that African-American women are the least likely to marry outside of their race at just 9 percent. However, 41 percent of Hispanic women and 48 percent of Asian women marry interracially.
What Nightline didn’t mention were the hardships some African-American women face when they do decide to date outside of their race.
Actress and singer Shvona Chung remembered a time when she was on a lunch date with her ex-boyfriend and his mother. “My date had to correct his mother on the proper way to address someone from African-American descent, ‘No mom, no one says Negro anymore,’ [he said] as I sat in amazement,” Chung wrote on her Yahoo Shine blog.
Chung is a product of an interracial relationship. Her mother is Indian and white and her father is African-American. She grew up in Queens, New York. She says she dated “blindly” from a young age. “I don’t have a preference or anything. I just like men,” Chung says.
Her long-term relationships include two with African-American men and one with a Jewish man from Australia. She has also had multiple short-term relationships with Asian men.
Although Chung and her family embraced her Korean husband from the time they dated, Ted Chung’s conservative, Asian family felt otherwise toward Shvona.
Chung says that Asians have a hierarchy and Koreans hold themselves at the top because they have the lightest complexion.
Although she comes from mixed parents, her African-American heritage is evident in her caramel skin, full lips and curly hair.
“I definitely got snubbed at times,” Chung says about her in-laws’ behavior. “There was a lot of sarcasm and judgments of my family because a lot of my family is remarried.”
The Chung family grew to accept Shvona with time and because their son wouldn’t tolerate their negative attitude. Shvona says the most important thing to make an interracial relationship work is to stand up to the family that has a problem with it.
“I have a lot of friends who are beautiful black women who have great jobs and make a lot of money and they’re still single,” she says.
Chung says she believes that there are good African-American men out there and tells her friends to keep hope alive. She also recommends that her friends be open to all people regardless of race.
Thirty-five year old Fox news writer and freelance journalist Tomika Anderson didn’t hear Chung’s advice directly, but is following suit. Anderson has held editor positions at MTV News.com, Time, Inc. and was the senior editor of popular African American luxury and lifestyle publication UPTOWN magazine.
Anderson is African American, single and lives in New York City. In a recent piece she penned for the Huffington Post titled “Not Jumping Ship, Simply Expanding The Fleet,” Anderson explains why her reason to date interracially has less to do with African American men and more to do with her.
“I made a vow to myself to only marry (and have children with) a man with whom I am truly compatible, regardless of how much melanin he has,” wrote Anderson. “It’s a vow I intend to keep.”
Anderson appeared on the same Nightline special as author Richard Banks and gave viewers a front row seat as she dipped into the interracial dating pool. Cameras followed Anderson to a speed-dating event where she went on dates with nine men who weren’t African American. The men were from the U.S., Germany, Bangladesh, India and Egypt and five asked to see Anderson again.
Anderson isn’t “ex-ing” African American men off of her dating list, instead she’s expanding her options and is optimistic about the outcome.
“I figure that if I remain open to the possibilities and hang out in places where I can interact with men of other cultures, it’s not so much a question of access, it’s really just a matter of time,” she wrote.
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